Auditions for The Little Dog Laughed

Seeking Submissions for The Little Dog Laughed!

Seeking video audition submissions for The Little Dog Laughed
Written by Douglas Carter Beane
Directed by Dennis Beasley
Submissions due by June 19, 2022
Email submissions and questions to

Seeking submissions for THE LITTLE DOG LAUGHED by Douglas Carter Beane. The play will perform in the Pam Kitto Black Box Theatre Oct 7-22, 2022. Rehearsals begin in late August.

Auditioners should film themselves performing one of the monologues for the character they are interested in. Monologues and character descriptions can be found below

Auditioners should include a headshot and resume and fill out and send in the audition form below 

All materials should be submitted by email to director, Dennis Beasley, at by June 19. If necessary, there may be an invited callback at a time to be determined.


THE LITTLE DOG LAUGHED follows the adventures of Mitchell Green, a movie star who could hit big if it weren’t for one teensy-weensy problem. His agent, Diane, can’t seem to keep him in the closet. Trying to help him navigate Hollywood’s choppy waters, the devilish Diane is doing all she can to keep Mitchell away from the cute rent boy who’s caught his eye and the rent boy’s girlfriend (wait, the rent boy has a girlfriend?). Will there be a happy ending as the final credits roll?

Show contains adult language/humor, sexual situations, and nudity

All roles are available

Character Descriptions

Diane (Female, Aged ???) Acerbic, cynical, driven, and very, VERY Hollywood. The only person more important than her client Mitchell is herself. She doesn’t suffer fools gladly, though also knows when she needs them.

Mitchell (Male, Aged 28-40) Hollywood star on the rise. Closeted homosexual torn between what he truly wants and what other people want from him. Be aware that this character requires brief (less than 5 minutes) total nudity on stage.

Alex (Male, Aged 19 – 30) NYC rent boy. Alex is very naïve for someone who has experienced so much. He is jaded, yet remarkably idealistic. Love interest for Mitchell. He is also boyfriend/best friend/only friend to Ellen. Be aware that this part requires brief (less than 5 minutes) total nudity on stage.

Ellen (Female, Aged 19 – 30)-NYC party girl. Ellen has made a living being kept by much older men, while still sleeping with Alex. Tough yet innocent, and just damaged enough to make her interesting.

Audition Monologues

MITCHELL: I want to go out with you. I don’t care who sees what. I like you. I want to go out with you and see this stupid fucking play, which is supposed to be really good. And then I want to come back here, and undress you in your new fucking clothes and have you undress me and then crawl into the fucking bed, and I want to not be drunk and you not be working and to do stuff with each other and kiss you and then fall asleep in your arms. It’s what I want. I don’t want anymore bullshit in my life. I don’t want to lie to myself. I want to be with you. I don’t know what that means, but-I said something- in this meeting this afternoon, I mean something you just say to get what you want, but once I said it- It was like- It all didn’t feel so bad.

ELLEN: After the club Alex and I both deplored, I went home to Westchester to have a visit with Screecher. Screech is my new none-too-affectionate nickname for my none-to-affectionate mother. And Screecher’s all “Ellen” – no, wait- “ELLEN!!! GODDAMN IT, YOU NEVER GODDAMN COME GODDAMN HOME FOR A GODDAMN VISIT, GODDAMNIT.” So I went home for a visit. Goddamnit. And, you know, she’s not pleased. I just cannot win here. Alright maybe I shouldn’t have shown up at three in the morning. Maybe I should have called first, maybe I should have had money for the cab, maybe I should have had a key and not broken a window to get in, you know, we all have some things we’d like to do over. So I’m there—just licking my wounds about Arthur dumping me. And it’s whatever o’clock in the morning. In my once room. But it’s not my room anymore. After all that fuss Screecher made about me coming home, there’s no home left for me now. Just. Wicker baskets and doll heads – and dried flowers. Screech has gone and transformed my room into a craft room, which I guess is de rigeur among the post-hysterectomy set. And as the doll heads stare at me, I realize. My childhood is so motherfucking over. When did that happen, right? And I am so good to lose it. And. And I find three long strands of thin vinyl string and I’m scared and I’m alone. And the next thing you know, I am getting busy. Making a bracelet. Oh yeah. So I just. Made me a bracelet.

ALEX: I am in bed next to Mitchell and it is morning, for like the fifth morning in a row and he’s asleep and I’m pretending to be asleep. I’m really good at pretending to be asleep. It’s almost as tough to pretend to be asleep as it is to pretend to have an orgasm, which is tough for a guy. I mean think about it. Mitch snores a little. Not like a chainsaw but a little rumble once in a while. And when he does it, it makes me feel good, what’s that about? Oh God, am I gay? I don’t want to be fucking gay. Everybody has something on you when you’re fucking gay. I’m not gay, I’m – I just feel gay. I’ve slept with upwards of like a hundred guys, didn’t feel gay. I hear some guy snoring. I get giddy. I’m gay. Gay as a goose. Gay, gay, gay. What a stupid fucking sounding word, gay. It means like happy. They use it in old songs. I don’t think they use it ‘cause it’s such a good word, but ‘cause it rhymes with a lot of other words; gay, hay, may, nay, say. Oy vey, I’m so gay today.

DIANE: The beginning. Well, beginnings are always beautiful. Beginnings are- ok- do you know Breakfast at Tiffany’s? The film, not the novella. I know, there’s a novella, who knew? The beginning. Audrey Hepburn, the most beautiful person ever. Gets out of the cab. In Givenchy. Quadruple strand of pearls. And she walks to a window of Tiffany’s. Again with the beautiful. And then the melody “Moon River” wafts in. Start with me. The beauty quotient is excessively high. Then beautiful Audrey Hepburn is sneaking into her Upper East Side townhouse away from the not-so-beautiful older man, but the running away part is beautiful. And then. But then. Then the unspeakable happens. Mickey Rooney. Mickey Rooney in full-on novelty Hirohito glasses and buck teeth and- (she imitates Mickey Rooney’s Asian acting.) “Missy Goritry!!! I must plotest!!!” (Back to her own voice) And we can never recover. She can gab on and on about the mean reds and the cat not having a name, but. Sorry. It’s too late. The beginning has been irrevocably ruined.